Sunday, November 30, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
remember
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."
She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"
When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?" He replied, "To the kitchen." She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He replied, "Sure." She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" He said, "No, I can remember that."
She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that." He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily: "I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"
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There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."
So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"
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A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"
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A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast. The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me." so the woman replies, "If you dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113."
So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"
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A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!"
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A woman was standing in a crowded lift of the hotel she was staying in. When a man got in and accidentally elbowed her in the breast. The man said, "I'm sorry! But if your heart is as soft as your tit, you'll forgive me." so the woman replies, "If you dick is as hard as your elbow then I am staying in room 113."
golf
A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left open. She peeks inside and sees 3 golf balls and $1,000.
She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"
She confronts her husband and asks for an explanation. He explains "Every time I was unfaithful to you, I put a golf ball in the drawer." She figures 3 times in 30 years isn't bad and asks "But what about the $1,000?" He replied "Whenever I got a dozen golf balls, I sold them"
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
sembang-sembang kat site - volume 1
nie ada banyak cerita yang aku dapat masa lepak2 kat site.... cerita2 bukan rakyat..cam cerita lawak dalam penthouse...dan cerita nie aku nak kongsi dengan sapa2 yang nak baca dan layaaannnn....
dan kali nie aku nak ceritakan pasal atan....
atan nie sorang budak umur 7 tahun..adik beradik cuma ada 2 org je..yang sorang lagi adik perempuan nama aton... tinggal kat jasin lalang (kira solok habis lee kalau kat melaka nie)
dia nie diasuh dengan cermat dan teliti.. tak reti dan tak faham bahasa mencarut semua @3%&'!%... kira suci habis lee......
satu hari bapak dia dinaikkan pangkat.. dan diarahkan bertukar ke bandar melaka.... jadi atan satu keluarga berpindah lee kat melaka dan tinggal di ujung pasir (2 minit dari mahkota prade).... lepas pindah 1 bulan 1/2 umur dia cukup untuk ke sekolah.. kira awal tahun lee nie... jadi babak dia hantar atan kat sekolah dalam bandar melaka... (nama sekolah dirahsiakan nanti ada lak orang maki kat aku)..
Jadi pada hari pertama sekolah mak bapaknye hantar lee atan ke sekolah, risau juga mak bapak dia camne lee anak dia nie nanti.... atan lak seronok lee tengok banyak budak2 sebaya macam dia, sebab sebelum nie budak2 yang dia kenal cuma adik dia dengan sedara mara yang ada cuma 3 kerat jee....
dah lepas masuk sekolah atan cam tecengang lee pulak.. sebab dia tengok budak2 kat sekolah tu advant lee.. banyak yg diorang sembang dia tak tahu apa kebendanye.. cerita gelek inul kat tom tom bak lee, cerita pasal orang beranak ikut mana lee.. cerita nak kahwin ngan brat pit lee... kira2 maju habis...
banyak benda dalam kepala otak dia berlegar2 mabuk tak faham... masa dia nak balik dia terlanggar sorang budak... budak tu apa lee lagi marah kat dia budak tu cakap "KEPALA BUTUH" kau.. peh lagi lee atan tak paham bahasa apa kebenda nie?...
bila dia sampai kat rumah ditanya mak dia.... kepala butuh nie apa mak ek?
mak dia bederau darah dengar perkataan keramat 2... mak dia pun duk fikir apa nak bagitau anak dia nie.. jadi mak dia cakap lee,,"atan KEPALA BUTUH nie TONGKAT nak"..jadi pelajaran pertama dia kat sekolah KEPALA BUTUH adalah TONGKAT
pada hari kedua di sekolah dia dengar sorang budak lelaki cakap kat budak perempuan PUKI kau...
so macam hari pertama dia balik sekolah dia tanya mak dia PUKI 2 apa?...mak dia cam biasa carik lee idea...dan mak dia cakap PUKI tu PINGGAN....jadi pelajaran kedua dia kat sekolah PUKI adalah PINGGAN..
pada hari ketiga dia dengar lagi perkataan yang sebelum nie dia tak pernah dengar iaitu PANTAT.. jadi bila balik sekolah dia tanya mak dia pantat tu apa dan mak dia cakap PANTAT tu TIDUR... .jadi pelajaran ketiga dia kat sekolah PANTAT tu TIDUR..
nak jadi kan cerita petang 2 datuk dia datang dari kampung... datuk diia ne kurang sihat maklum lee dah tua tapi sebab rindukan cucunye dia datang le juga ke rumah atan.. pada hari 2 datuk dia datang dengan berTONGKAt... jadi bila atan tengok datuknye turun dari bas dia gie le sambut le atuk dia... atuk dia pun peluk dan cium cucu kesayangannye.. pas tu atan pun cakap ngan atuk nye..."atuk penat kee? meh atan tolong atok, simpankan BUTUH atuk"... apalagi bulat mata atuk nye tengok atan.... dengan nada marah dia tanya kat atan " mak kau mana?" atan pun dengan selamba cakap "mak ada kat dapur tengah basuh PUKI" peh berdesing telinga atuknye dengar cucunye cakap camtu.." dia pun meluru kerumah atan..sambil menjerit "ayah kau mana?" atan cakap "ayah ada kat bilik tengah PANTAT dengan adik.. apal lagi bila dengar je atan jawab terus atuk dia jatuh depan pintu.. sakit jantung.. sampai sekarang ada kat pantai icu... heheeh.
jadi moral dari cerita di atas...kalau nak ajar anak cari le alasan yang sewaktu dengan nye biar dia faham.. budak2 sekarang lain macam sikit...baru keluar dah buka mata...
******untuk pengetahuan semua, orang melaka nie mulut je kuat mencarut.. tapi hati baikkkk...
dan kali nie aku nak ceritakan pasal atan....
atan nie sorang budak umur 7 tahun..adik beradik cuma ada 2 org je..yang sorang lagi adik perempuan nama aton... tinggal kat jasin lalang (kira solok habis lee kalau kat melaka nie)
dia nie diasuh dengan cermat dan teliti.. tak reti dan tak faham bahasa mencarut semua @3%&'!%... kira suci habis lee......
satu hari bapak dia dinaikkan pangkat.. dan diarahkan bertukar ke bandar melaka.... jadi atan satu keluarga berpindah lee kat melaka dan tinggal di ujung pasir (2 minit dari mahkota prade).... lepas pindah 1 bulan 1/2 umur dia cukup untuk ke sekolah.. kira awal tahun lee nie... jadi babak dia hantar atan kat sekolah dalam bandar melaka... (nama sekolah dirahsiakan nanti ada lak orang maki kat aku)..
Jadi pada hari pertama sekolah mak bapaknye hantar lee atan ke sekolah, risau juga mak bapak dia camne lee anak dia nie nanti.... atan lak seronok lee tengok banyak budak2 sebaya macam dia, sebab sebelum nie budak2 yang dia kenal cuma adik dia dengan sedara mara yang ada cuma 3 kerat jee....
dah lepas masuk sekolah atan cam tecengang lee pulak.. sebab dia tengok budak2 kat sekolah tu advant lee.. banyak yg diorang sembang dia tak tahu apa kebendanye.. cerita gelek inul kat tom tom bak lee, cerita pasal orang beranak ikut mana lee.. cerita nak kahwin ngan brat pit lee... kira2 maju habis...
banyak benda dalam kepala otak dia berlegar2 mabuk tak faham... masa dia nak balik dia terlanggar sorang budak... budak tu apa lee lagi marah kat dia budak tu cakap "KEPALA BUTUH" kau.. peh lagi lee atan tak paham bahasa apa kebenda nie?...
bila dia sampai kat rumah ditanya mak dia.... kepala butuh nie apa mak ek?
mak dia bederau darah dengar perkataan keramat 2... mak dia pun duk fikir apa nak bagitau anak dia nie.. jadi mak dia cakap lee,,"atan KEPALA BUTUH nie TONGKAT nak"..jadi pelajaran pertama dia kat sekolah KEPALA BUTUH adalah TONGKAT
pada hari kedua di sekolah dia dengar sorang budak lelaki cakap kat budak perempuan PUKI kau...
so macam hari pertama dia balik sekolah dia tanya mak dia PUKI 2 apa?...mak dia cam biasa carik lee idea...dan mak dia cakap PUKI tu PINGGAN....jadi pelajaran kedua dia kat sekolah PUKI adalah PINGGAN..
pada hari ketiga dia dengar lagi perkataan yang sebelum nie dia tak pernah dengar iaitu PANTAT.. jadi bila balik sekolah dia tanya mak dia pantat tu apa dan mak dia cakap PANTAT tu TIDUR... .jadi pelajaran ketiga dia kat sekolah PANTAT tu TIDUR..
nak jadi kan cerita petang 2 datuk dia datang dari kampung... datuk diia ne kurang sihat maklum lee dah tua tapi sebab rindukan cucunye dia datang le juga ke rumah atan.. pada hari 2 datuk dia datang dengan berTONGKAt... jadi bila atan tengok datuknye turun dari bas dia gie le sambut le atuk dia... atuk dia pun peluk dan cium cucu kesayangannye.. pas tu atan pun cakap ngan atuk nye..."atuk penat kee? meh atan tolong atok, simpankan BUTUH atuk"... apalagi bulat mata atuk nye tengok atan.... dengan nada marah dia tanya kat atan " mak kau mana?" atan pun dengan selamba cakap "mak ada kat dapur tengah basuh PUKI" peh berdesing telinga atuknye dengar cucunye cakap camtu.." dia pun meluru kerumah atan..sambil menjerit "ayah kau mana?" atan cakap "ayah ada kat bilik tengah PANTAT dengan adik.. apal lagi bila dengar je atan jawab terus atuk dia jatuh depan pintu.. sakit jantung.. sampai sekarang ada kat pantai icu... heheeh.
jadi moral dari cerita di atas...kalau nak ajar anak cari le alasan yang sewaktu dengan nye biar dia faham.. budak2 sekarang lain macam sikit...baru keluar dah buka mata...
******untuk pengetahuan semua, orang melaka nie mulut je kuat mencarut.. tapi hati baikkkk...
Friday, November 21, 2008
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